Thursday, September 3, 2009


Sometimes things go well.
Sometimes they do not.

Sometimes everything just cruises along.
Sometimes out of no where, for no reason it becomes like a freight train hitting a wall,
and you are the wall.

They people around you decide you are vulnerable and that perhaps you judgement on certain things are bad.
You look around and say to yourself,
"What has changed"?
You are not a mind reader.

God, please....
If there IS a lesson you are trying to teach me,
let me learn it fast.

Peoples main complaints are "You are too nice".
This is a complaint I hearing often.
"Why didn't you do...."
Because it never mattered before.
All the sudden things are different?

Where are the lines drawn?
Maybe I am too Aspie to do certain things effectively that I would like to do.
Maybe there IS a point where one must say,
"I am too passive" or
"I need to do a job with clear lines drawn".
"Maybe I am too compassionate".
"Maybe I care too much about what other people think".

How, does a person like myself, become able to judge accurately a totally subjective situation?
How, does a person like myself, know when a "line" has been crossed...
when it has never been acceptable to you in the first place?
How does a person like myself develop a method for dealing with mixed messages.
Because I really do not know,
how a person, like myself changes, from being "too nice"?
When is it a flaw in the persons personality?

On the other side of the coin,
When is a person too mean or too harsh?

Personalities are so complex.
What is acceptable one day, is not accepted the next day.

Too me...
a person is mean or a person is nice.
They are telling the truth, or they are lieing.
It is really pretty cut and dry.

More and more,
I really believe NT persons are expecting the impossible.
Where is the clear definition?
How do you know when enough is enough?
How, can a person "color in the lines" when there are no lines...
How does a person just figure that out on their own?
How do you know?

I really want to turn tail and run from stronger personalities, cower.
I have been told to be gentler, not so harsh...
Only to turn around and be the same circumstance, mind you...
You are not being forceful enough or harsh enough.

Maybe I should just go back to being a security officer.
Pretty cut and dry.
I did it for two and a half years.

I am vividly realizing just how inept I am at dealing with people.
I am, for the first time, dreading work today.

I am too nice and care too much about what other people think.
I am looking for another job ASAP.
Try to find one better suited to my "personality"...
What ever that is.

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